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   Lovecarnival > Romantic Quotes > Humorous Quotations

Humorous Quotations

Humorous quotations are the easiest way to bring a smile on someone’s face. With just a few lines, laughter can ring in your world, making you happy and delighted. Humor quotes are right for creating that light ambience of cheer and laughter. Light hearted jokes and puns are always great to make a day joyful.

Select from these rib tickling jokes and humorous sayings and make each day of your life giggling over. These humor quotes have been selected especially to make your world happy and delightful from one end to the other. Happy reading!!

  • If husbands could realize what large returns of profit may be gotten out of a wife by a small word of praise paid over the counter when the market is just right, they would bring matters around the way they wish them much oftener than they usually do.

  • Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means." George Burns
  • I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." Patrick Murray

  • I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

  • "You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is." Ellen DeGeners.

  • "Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac." George Carlin.

  • "The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with." Marty Feldman.

  • Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law

  • Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

  • I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

  • My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled, "Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong."

  • The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age. Lucille Ball

  • When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

  • The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What ..does a woman want?'' Freud

  • I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette

  • When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him

  • What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light. Mark Twain

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